


Everything means nothing (If I can't have you)

by soft_exo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Friends With Benefits, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-24 15:30:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19726489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_exo/pseuds/soft_exo
Summary: "Soft hearted Chanyeol-ah I'm always worried what if someone else hurts your heart."





	Everything means nothing (If I can't have you)

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I don't give you guys enough warning so this is a disclaimer: Be prepared for angst.
> 
> I wrote this instead of studying for my exam and I most likely failed it so I hope this shit is worth it smh 🙃
> 
> You can find me on Twitter: @soft_exo_AO3 :)

_ I know you. _

Everything leading up to this moment had started with those words. Three simple words is all it had taken for Baekhyun to barge into Chanyeol's empty, lonely life and fill it with excitement and happiness and more colours than Chanyeol even knew could exist. 

And nothing could be truer. Baekhyun did know Chanyeol, better than anyone had ever known him and better than anyone ever would again.

As he watches Baekhyun enter the church, suited up in his wedding tux, flower crown placed delicately on his head, he's transported back to the first time he'd spoken to the most beautiful man in the world.

***Flashback***

"I know you." 

Chanyeol looks up from the rose he's folding out of a discarded napkin. A silver haired boy cocks his head at him, his kohl-lined eyes squinted as he tries to think. The bar is very poorly lit so Chanyeol doesn't take offence and waits to be placed. 

It takes a couple of moments but then the boy clicks his fingers.  "You're in my philosophy class, right?"

Chanyeol nods.

The boy frowns at him. "Come to think of it it's been two years and I've never spoken to you. You don't talk much at all. Can you even talk? Oh my God you're not mute are you?"

"Yes." Chanyeol says answering the first of the boy's questions and then responds to the second a beat later. "No."

_ Shit _ . Chanyeol thinks. He's probably weirded the boy out like he does to most people who try to talk to him. For some reason Chanyeol finds it practically impossible to string together a sentence in the presence of strangers. A trait that has meant many years of solitude for Chanyeol because people get fed up of talking at a person who doesn't talk back pretty quickly.

It's not that Chanyeol can't say anything- he just doesn't have anything to say most of the time. He prefers listening to people talk and believes that when you have nothing to say, you just don't say anything. People prefer you to talk though, even if what you say is insincere. 

To his surprise the boy smiles, displaying startlingly straight white teeth. They're pretty somehow, if teeth can be considered pretty.

"A man of few words. Well hi, I'm Baekhyun."

Chanyeol nods again. He knows.

Baekhyun chuckles. "Quick tip this is the part where you say your name so I know who you are and what to call you in the future."

"In the future?"

"Yes." Baekhyun pulls out the chair beside Chanyeol and sits. "I plan to be your friend. Unless you don't want to of course."

Chanyeol does, but he's sure Baekhyun will change his mind soon anyway. "I'm Chanyeol."

"Oh? You're the campus genius?"

Chanyeol tugs at his ear awkwardly and shakes his head. 

"Yes you are. Everyone knows Park Chanyeol. Little bit of a celebrity, aren't you?"

Chanyeol blushes but doesn't say anything. What could he possibly say. Sure he got the top grades in every exam every semester without fail and is taking two degrees at once but he wouldn't class that as genius. It's not like he has a social life or friends to hang out with. Studying is the only thing he has.

When Baekhyun doesn't speak for a while, Chanyeol looks up to find him watching him with a smile. Chanyeol bites the inside of his cheeks, feeling unexplainably warm all of a sudden. He shifts in his seat, worrying a petal of his napkin rose. Baekhyun plucks the rose out of his hands and twirls it in his fingers.

"Can I have your number?" He asks tucking the rose behind his ear.

Chanyeol doesn't hear him because he's struck by how pretty Baekhyun is even in the unflattering light of this shitty bar that Chanyeol had walked into because the electricity in his room had been cut off and he had nowhere else to go while they fixed it.

Baekhyun has the kind of face that looks both old and young at the same time. If Chanyeol hadn't known him from uni he might have thought Baekhyun was still in high school. Either that or he was in his late twenties depending on what expressions Baekhyun was displaying. There was a faint mole on his upper lip that Chanyeol kept getting drawn to and another on his thumb. Why was Chanyeol was noticing things like that?

It was hard to explain but there was something about Baekhyun that seemed fleeting and hard to grasp. Like he was a dream that Chanyeol was trying hard to remember after waking up. Chanyeol was looking at him but he wasn't sure if he was actually there.

"Is that a no?" Baekhyun smiles again, showing his teeth and Chanyeol is distracted by the sharp incisors that make him look like a vampire.

"Huh?"

"Can I have your number I said."

"Oh." Chanyeol says dumbly. 

"I'm not hitting on you." Baekhyun adds almost immediately after the thought crosses Chanyeol's mind. He slides his phone onto the counter. "If we're going to be friends I'm gonna need your number."

Chanyeol types his number in and hands the phone back. Baekhyun grins at him and ruffles his hair before he leaves. He walks back to his room, wondering if Baekhyun had been real or an otherworldly being he had conjured up out of loneliness. 

He doesn't hear from Baekhyun even after a few days and isn't all that surprised. He's used to it by now but he's still a little bit disappointed. Baekhyun stays on his mind.

It's a warm day so Chanyeol packs his laptop and heads out to his favourite place on campus. It's one of the rare spots where students don't gather so most days it's just Chanyeol sat under the shade of a tree, left alone to think and work. Sometimes there are one or two others, lost in their own little worlds. Chanyeol feels a sense of comradeship with them even if they never speak to each other.

Today there is only one other student. His name is Jongin and he's a first year dance major. Chanyeol knows this because he'd read it on Jongin's folder when he'd left it behind one day. Jongin never does any work, just puts his earphones in and takes a nap. Chanyeol watches him sometimes and when Jongin catches him he smiles and nods in acknowledgment which is as far as their interactions go.

Chanyeol sets himself up in his usual spot, preparing himself for some quiet study time when suddenly his phone goes off. He checks the caller id and groans before declining the call. He'd been getting an increasing number of spam calls over the last three days for some reason. 

"Did you just decline my call?" An affronted voice asks.

Chanyeol squints up at Baekhyun. The sun is directly behind him, the light splaying out around his head like a halo and Chanyeol is too busy watching the shadows dance on Baekhyun's face to answer.

Baekhyun squats between his splayed legs and pushes the laptop on Chanyeol's lap closed. "Why haven't you been answering my calls?"

"Hmm?" Chanyeol hadn't got any calls from- "Oh. They weren't spam."

"You thought I was a spam caller?" Baekhyun throws his head back and laughs. "You're so cute. Like a little baby bird. I have so much to teach you."

Chanyeol likes Baekhyun's laugh. He likes that Baekhyun thinks he's cute too.

"Save my number and lets go."

"Go?" Chanyeol asks.

"Yeah I'm taking you somewhere. You can't say no. It's to make up for ignoring me."

Chanyeol does as he's told and follows after Baekhyun. "How-?" 

"How did I know where to find you?" Baekhyun cuts in. He always seems to know what Chanyeol is thinking. "Truthfully I've been watching you. You remind me of my brother."

Chanyeol wants to know about the brother but something about the look in Baekhyun's eyes stop him from asking. Instead he tries to figure out where they're going. He hopes Baekhyun won't take him somewhere he's uncomfortable, which is the majority of places to be honest.

He needn't have worried. Baekhyun leads him into a large bookshop with a cafe attached to it. It's jam packed with students and men in suits, their combined chattering creating a buzz of noise. 

Baekhyun catches Chanyeol's expression and laughs. He takes his hand and drags him away from the cafe deeper into the bookshop. It's quieter back here, the shelves of books muffling conversations of customers but Baekhyun doesn't stop. He walks through a door at the back and leads Chanyeol up a flight of stairs. Chanyeol's hand in Baekhyun's feels warm.

Baekhyun opens a door and Chanyeol gasps in wonder. The room he's in is only big enough to be a large store cupboard. There are no windows, the only light coming from a dozen or so fairy lights strung up across the width of the room. The walls are floor to ceiling shelves stuffed with books and there is a handful of blankets and bean bags in the middle of the floor.

"Neat huh?" Baekhyun flops onto a bag.

"It's… amazing."

"I thought you'd like it. My aunt owns this place and let me make this room a while back. No one else knows it exists. You're free to come here whenever you want." Baekhyun smiles.

"Thank you." Chanyeol whispers.

Chanyeol looks around the little room and somehow, despite this being his first time here, despite it being no bigger than a store cupboard and dark and a little musty, despite not actually knowing Baekhyun he feels more at home here than he has anywhere for a long, long time.

He doesn't know it yet but this room, and Baekhyun, would become the most important things in the world to him.

~~~

Chanyeol had always been the silent type. Even as a baby he rarely cried or threw tantrums. His parents cooed over their well behaved son until he was almost 4 and still didn't talk. His mother was patient with him, coaxing words and phrases out of him with love and care but his father was a different story.

His father wanted to know what was wrong with him and took him to countless specialists and doctors. Chanyeol's childhood memories were mostly of cold, blank rooms and old men in white coats who came too close and spoke too loud. The only warmth was the feeling of being held tight in his mother's arm, his safe place from the constant ridicule of his father.

When Chanyeol eventually began to speak, he stumbled over his words, stuttering through every sentence. This further disappointed his dad who had no time for a son who couldn't talk straight. 

It didn't matter though because Chanyeol had his mom. She was endlessly loving, listening to him with her full attention no matter how long he took to tell her his stories. Even if his dad mocked him, his mother was there to shelter him. With her help Chanyeol learnt to get his words out right and not get stuck so much. By the time he was 10, his stutter was non existent. 

And then his mother died and it returned. He tried his hardest to remember what his mother taught him but whenever he thought of her, his throat closed up and his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. 

His father, wrought with grief, got worse. Chanyeol didn't even have to speak for his rage to flare up and the insults to come raining down. The more his father shouted, the quieter Chanyeol became. He withdrew further into himself, learning to live by making as little noise as possible so that maybe he wouldn't embarrass his dad as much.

Since losing his mother no one had bothered to take the time out and listen to Chanyeol. His father didn't even look at him anymore and the kids at school teased him for his stammering. So Chanyeol spoke only to his mother. In his head he was fluent and even if he hadn't been he knew his mother would listen anyway. He was sure she was listening from up in heaven.

Now Chanyeol had Baekhyun. Baekhyun who was as kind and patient as his mom had been. Baekhyun who didn't laugh at him when he stumbled once in a while. Baekhyun who didn't mind if Chanyeol didn't respond to him because he knew Chanyeol was listening. Baekhyun who always knew what Chanyeol was thinking before he even thought it. 

Baekhyun who became Chanyeol's home.

~~~

For the first time in his life Chanyeol has friends. Not classmates or acquaintances or people who smiled at him in the corridor when they passed. Real friends who he hangs out with and who text him and invite him places. They're Baekhyun's friends really, but just like Baekhyun they're kind and welcoming and accept Chanyeol as one of them. They're all loud and spontaneous, everything Chanyeol is not and yet he somehow fits with them. He still fits with Baekhyun best though.

Jongdae is Chanyeol's favourite friend. Baekhyun will always be his best friend but he treasures Jongdae close to his heart too. He's considerate of Chanyeol's anxieties and gives up nights out partying to do things Chanyeol is more comfortable with. With Baekhyun's help they ease him into 'normal' social activities, conditioning him to react to strangers better as the months go on. Baekhyun keeps a close eye on him, quick to notice when it gets too overwhelming and is always there to lead him back to their little hideout for a quiet conversation or gaming session.

Chanyeol feels a deep sense of gratitude towards both of them but his connection to Baekhyun is different. Jongdae doesn't stir the same emotions inside him as Baekhyun does and he starts to think that Baekhyun means more to him than a friend. The sinking in his stomach when he sees Baekhyun with other men or the fluttering in his heart whenever Baekhyun so much as looks at him is a pretty big indication of his crush.

~~~

Baekhyun isn't a slut by any means but he likes to have fun and Chanyeol has never seen him with the same boy more than twice. When one day Baekhyun tells him that he has a date, Chanyeol is shocked.

"I thought you didn't date."

"I thought so too but Minseok is so cute I just wanna put him in my pocket and squish him!" Baekhyun gushes. "He was so adorable when he asked me out I couldn't say no."

Chanyeol looks away, swallowing past the disappointment lumped in his throat. This was enough to confirm that he definitely wanted Baekhyun as more than a friend. 

Minseok lasts three weeks. Three weeks where Chanyeol avoids Baekhyun as far as possible so he doesn't have to see him act all lovey lovey with Minseok. He spends a lot of time with Jongdae instead who looks at him with a knowing smile but thankfully doesn't ask.

The day Minseok breaks up with Baekhyun, Chanyeol feels relief wash over him. It's selfish he knows especially because Baekhyun is upset even though he's trying to hide it. That evening, in their hideout with alcohol and a sad movie playing in the background, Chanyeol leans in and kisses Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun pushes him away almost immediately and panic rises in Chanyeol's chest. He'd overstepped his boundaries and fucked up their friendship and was going to lose the most precious person in the world. His eyes sting but then Baekhyun pulls him in and kisses him back.

So far in the short months Chanyeol has known him, Baekhyun has already given him a million firsts. That night Baekhyun gives him another first, slowly and gently and Chanyeol wouldn't have it any other way.

In the morning Baekhyun doesn't act any different but Chanyeol is buzzing. He doesn't want to be just another name on Baekhyun's lists. He wants to mean something. Not knowing how to bring it up, he buries it and waits. When Baekhyun kisses him first a few days later, hope blossoms in Chanyeol's chest. Maybe he did mean something.

The next day Baekhyun excitedly shows him the profile of a Chinese dancer that he'd matched with on Grindr and Chanyeol feels his hope die. He smiles and wishes Baekhyun luck, his skin crawling. He was only a name after all.

Yixing lasts a little longer than Minseok and this time Chanyeol doesn't have the luxury of hiding himself away. He's forced to watch the couple, the knot in his stomach getting tighter and tighter every day. Jongdae squeezes his hand in reassurance but Chanyeol barely feels it.

Eventually Yixing is over too. This time it's Chanyeol who makes the first move. Baekhyun responds as enthusiastically as he always does and just for one more night Chanyeol lets himself get lost and forgets.

~~~

They graduate from University and Baekhyun asks him to be his roommate in a flat he's secured close to his job. Chanyeol immediately accepts, his worries about being apart from Baekhyun put at ease. But it's not all fun and games. Along with the wonderfully domestic breakfasts and evenings spent cooking together comes the painful spectacle of Baekhyun's flings.

Chanyeol says nothing, even when of all people, Baekhyun brings Jongin home. Jongin smiles at him before shutting Baekhyun's door and Chanyeol stands there, his eyes burning and throat on fire. When he sees Jongin come into their home for a third time, Chanyeol leaves. Twice was usually the limit unless Baekhyun was serious. His skin is hot and sticky, like something inside of him is trying to escape.

Baekhyun is Chanyeol's first but also his only. Today Chanyeol will change that. He walks determinedly into a club, set on finding someone to take home. He steps up to the bar and his confidence fails him. He was a lot better now, coming out of his shell enough to speak to strangers without feeling like sinking into the ground but taking one home was still too much to handle.

Deciding against his plan, he turns towards the door and walks into a small, handsome man. The man stumbles back, looking up at Chanyeol with a frown. His face morphs into a slow smile as he looks Chanyeol up and down.

"Hello. Want to get out of here?" He says in a silky voice.

"Huh?" This is exactly what he had wanted but now that he's being presented with it he's not so sure.

"My name is Junmyeon and you are…"

"Chanyeol."

"See we're no longer strangers. Wanna take me home? You look like you're running from something."

Chanyeol wonders how Junmyeon knew that. "I-"

"How about this? I'll give you a sample and you can decide." 

Junmyeon puts his hand on Chanyeol's neck, pulling him down a little as he rises on his tiptoes and presses a kiss onto his lips. Chanyeol closes his eyes and it's not Junmyeon he's tasting. He considers the offer and then nods. Fuck it. He has nothing to lose.

Baekhyun isn't home when they get back. Chanyeol sits on the couch in the living room, his awkwardness rising. Junmyeon is watching him in a way that reminds him of Jongdae. Like he can see right through Chanyeol and knows the secrets even he can't admit to himself. Baekhyun returns and stops short when he sees them sitting together. Chanyeol turns to him, panicked and feeling like he needs to explain himself.

Baekhyun just coos. "My baby bird is all grown up! Tell me if you need anything~" He teases and disappears into his room. 

Chanyeol deflates. What had he been expecting? Shaking his head, he takes Junmyeon's hand and leads him into his bedroom, pushing him up against the door to kiss him almost angrily. Junmyeon plays along for a little while, then pushes back and takes charge. He hovers over Chanyeol, sweat beading at his temples and stops to look long and hard at him. 

"You can say his name if you want." He says.

Chanyeol blinks. "What?"

Junmyeon cocks his head in the direction of the door. 

Chanyeol's cheeks burn. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Later, when he has his hand clamped over his mouth to muffle his moans, he does say it. It's barely more than a broken whisper but it burns into the skin of his palm.

~~~

They continue like this, Chanyeol stuck in an endless limbo. Baekhyun dates then comes back to Chanyeol when it doesn't work out. Chanyeol waits for Baekhyun and fools around while he does. 

Chanyeol is a coward. He doesn't have the courage to confess to Baekhyun because he doesn't want to lose him. The pain of not meaning anything more to Baekhyun is better than the pain of no longer having Baekhyun. He'll take him in any way he can.

It hurts. Fuck it hurts  _ so much  _ but Chanyeol can bear it because Baekhyun will came back to him. He always comes back to him. Every time he does, Chanyeol slips out of Baekhyun's bed long after he's fallen asleep and crawls alone into his own cold sheets, the pillow soaking up his silent tears. 

~~~

Kyungsoo comes into their lives one August. Straight away he's different because for once it's Baekhyun that's chasing him and not the other way around like it usually is. Also Chanyeol really, really likes Kyungsoo. He's small and stoic and makes Chanyeol feel completely at ease, even bringing out a playful side to Chanyeol that he didn't know he had.

Chanyeol has never seen Baekhyun like this. He's infatuated with Kyungsoo, spurred on by Kyungsoo's complete lack of interest in him. Baekhyun has never had a challenge before; everyone, including Chanyeol, always fell so easily to his feet. The less Kyungsoo seems to care the harder Baekhyun tries.

Inevitably they end up dating. No one can resist Baekhyun for too long after all. Chanyeol is crushed by this development but doesn't let it dishearten him. Baekhyun will come back to him like he always does. That's the way this works.

He'd expected them to last longer than Baekhyun's other relationships had but when it hits six months and Baekhyun keeps getting happier, Chanyeol begins to grow restless. It's tactless and a little bit sadistic but Chanyeol could care less. He can't lose Baekhyun. 

~~~

Through Baekhyun's encouragement, Kyungsoo sets Chanyeol up with one of his friends. Chanyeol goes to the meeting because Baekhyun had seemed so excited and he didn't want to disappoint him. Chanyeol was an idiot like that.

Oh Sehun is very tall and very handsome. The meeting goes better than expected and he finds himself agreeing to a second date. Baekhyun is  _ delighted _ and it stings but Chanyeol smiles through it. He and Sehun fall into something you could call a relationship except Chanyeol's not really into it. 

Sehun is nice but he can't make Chanyeol feel the way Baekhyun does. His heart doesn't thump at the sight of Sehun and the thought of seeing him and doesn't excite Chanyeol in the same way. He's not Baekhyun but Chanyeol thinks he can settle. 

Sehun calls it quits after three months. He takes Chanyeol's hand into his, holding them tight and Chanyeol knows what's coming.

"I think we should end this."

Chanyeol nods. "Okay."

The muscle Sehun's jaw clenches and there's a look in his eye that is almost sad. "Chanyeol you can't keep doing this."

"I know."

"It's not fair to the people you're seeing and it's not fair to you."

Chanyeol looks at his feet. "I know."

"Look Chanyeol you're a great guy and I really want you to be happy. You've got to do something. Either confess or let him go. This is unhealthy." Sehun says gently.

Chanyeol bites his lip. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I know how to stop things before they hurt me too much." Sehun smiles. 

Sehun is right. Of course he is. Chanyeol has to stop being a coward and own up to his feelings. It had been long enough. Letting Baekhyun go wasn't an option so there is only one thing left to do now.

***Present day***

Baekhyun stands at the doors of the church, sunlight filtering in behind him, playing through the strands of his dark hair. He looks like a fairy, glittering and gold. The music rises in volume and Baekhyun walks slowly down the aisle towards him. 

Chanyeol feels himself choke up thinking about how much he loves this man, how much he means to him, how he had changed his life so drastically and how he can't live a day without him. Tears well in his eyes at the thought of how lucky he is to have met Byun Baekhyun.

Baekhyun's gaze lands on him and Chanyeol can see the concern written all over his face. He walks closer until he's standing before Chanyeol, a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Chanyeol shakes his head.

_ I'm fine. I'm okay. _

Baekhyun nods, rising on his tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on his forehead and then he steps around Chanyeol up to the altar where Kyungsoo is waiting for him.

***Flashback***

"I love you!" Chanyeol barges through the front door and into the living room.

Baekhyun freezes halfway into his jacket, blinking at Chanyeol and then breaks into a smile. "Awww my baby bird Chanyeol I love you too!" He walks over to Chanyeol, pressing a fond kiss onto his forehead.

No, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. Baekhyun was supposed to just know. Baekhyun always knew. No one knew Chanyeol better than Baekhyun did so why didn't he know this?

Baekhyun's phone rings in his pocket and he fishes it out, face lighting up when he sees who it is. "Soo's here I gotta go."

Chanyeol follows him, grabbing his hand just as he opens the door. "Don't go."

"Chanyeol are you okay? What's wrong?" Baekhyun frowns.

"Please... d-don't go."

"Hey, Soo is waiting for me. I'll be back soon I promise."

Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun, sees the excitement written all over his face and knows that once again he's too late. But he can't give up now. He won't. He releases Baekhyun's hand and watches him run down to meet Kyungsoo at his car. 

Later, he promises himself. When he got back Chanyeol would tell him properly. This was his last chance. He couldn't keep this up any longer.

Chanyeol waits and waits, pacing around the house for hours but still Baekhyun doesn't return. He texts him but there's no reply. Baekhyun always replied to him no matter what. Worry kicks in and Chanyeol begins to wonder if something had gone wrong.

Finally, he gets a video call from Baekhyun and he scrambles to answer it. Baekhyun's eyes are red and puffy like he had been crying and immediately Chanyeol is concerned.

"Baekhyun are you okay? What happened? Where are you?"

Baekhyun laughs. "Hey slow down. I'm at Kyungsoo's and I'm fine I promise, stop looking so sad. I'm sorry I said I'd be back soon didn't I?"

Chanyeol's heart relaxes a little. "Is everything okay?"

"No Chanyeol it's not. It  _ wonderful _ !" Baekhyun lifts his left hand up to the camera and Chanyeol's jaw drops when he sees the shiny engagement ring. "He proposed Chanyeol! Oh my God I'm so happy."

" _ What… _ " He whispers.

"I know I was so surprised too!" Baekhyun sniffs and Kyungsoo comes into view behind him.

"Hey Chanyeol." Kyungsoo waves at the camera before kissing Baekhyun's temple. Baekhyun turns to look at him, eyes lit with tears and joy.

Chanyeol stares at his screen in disbelief. No way. No fucking way had Kyungsoo proposed today. When Chanyeol had finally gathered his courage after years of pining and hiding. 

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun's voice sounds so far away.

He hangs up unable to keep looking for even a minute longer. Chanyeol had done it. The very thing he feared the most. He'd lost his special person. The man he loved was no longer his to call home.

***Present day***

Chanyeol sits with the rest of the guests but can't hear anything over the roaring in his ears. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo press their foreheads together, smiles shy and yet so wide. They kiss, sealing their lifelong commitment to each other and Chanyeol feels his chest heave. He gets up and sneaks out the back, unnoticed by the applauding guests. Unnoticed by Baekhyun who has found his happiness in Kyungsoo. 

He finds a bench at the back of the church overlooking the cemetery and collapses onto it. His eyes well up and try as he might to push his tears back, they come pouring out. He shouldn't be crying, not today. Today was a happy day. His best friend had just gotten married, he should be in there with him celebrating because nothing matters more than Baekhyun and his happiness. 

But even Baekhyun's happiness couldn't ease the ache in his chest or the feeling of his heart being shattered to pieces again and again every time he sees Baekhyun with Kyungsoo. He knows it would continue to break for many years to come because to Chanyeol Baekhyun is everything. He's a truth that Chanyeol can't give up without losing himself first.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun's worried voice calls. 

The flower crown is still on his head, a little askew now. His eyes shine with happiness and the glitter that he insisted was a necessity for his special day. Chanyeol's eyes are drawn to the mole on his lip again, and then down to the lapel of his jacket where the same rose Chanyeol had made all those years ago sits. It's not quite white anymore and clashes with the Baekhyun's suit. 

Just like Chanyeol, it was out of place.

He hurriedly wipes his eyes. "What are you doing out here? Your husband will miss you."

Baekhyun smiles shyly at the term  _ 'husband _ .' "I saw you gone so I had to check on you. I know what you're like." He teases.

"I'm not the same guy from university anymore, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun sits next to him. "No but you're still my baby bird. What's wrong? It's because of Sehun isn't it?"

Chanyeol can't help the laugh that bubbles out of this throat. If only he knew. A single tear tracks down his cheek. Baekhyun wipes it away with his thumb and Chanyeol instinctively leans into the touch. His last and final indulgence. 

"Soft hearted Chanyeol-ah I'm always worried what if someone else hurts your heart." Baekhyun sighs.

_ But Baekhyun-ah, you are that someone else. _


End file.
